Wicked Seed of Judgment

I was in the gym this morning and I learned a little something about myself. I was on one of the machines and the gym I belong to is really our local community center but they are pretty state of the art with the equipment they purchase. The trainer I was using has a TV monitor attached to it and can be tuned to whatever station I want to watch without fear of it being switched by some hyperactive overachiever who thinks they have become empowered.
There is a great sense of amusement in watching someone who gets lost in TV when they have rock music playing in their iPod… especially if that person forgets where he is when making comments. I was watching ESPN highlights and the women’s soccer match against Brazil was playing and I just blurted my opinion right out there. As I watched I said “Geez I hate women’s soccer” and only the movement of the heads around me cause me to break from the trance I had engaged myself in. The guy on the trainer next to me said “What’s wrong with women’s soccer?” I had to take my headphones off to have him repeat his answer, and it was then that I realized it was nearly silent in the room and my comment must have come out as very loud. I just looked at the guy and said “I just don’t like women’s soccer... I don’t find it interesting”. He looked at me like I was some sort of sexist pig-dog and looked ahead and kept plugging…
I thought a long time about what I had said. Why had I said that out loud? It DID sound ignorant and sexist, but I comforted myself by the words of the woman I had run into the day before who wanted the whole world to know that women’s soccer was more important than the cure for cancer and if anyone in the restaurant we had been in had wanted to change the channel that she was packing a gun and wasn’t afraid to use it… Okay she wasn’t THAT bad, but she was kind of militant. I thought about it and remembered a deep hatred for militant women and their stupid soccer game was growing in me… I realized I had allowed some bitterness in the door. That kind of nonsense won’t work in my life. A. Because it is toxic and painful to others. B. It's such a negative witness to others... I don't want to be a sexist pig...

So I kept watching and the guy next to me spoke again and when I slipped off my headphones, he was saying he wasn’t a fan of women’s soccer either… I hinted around that I was too judgmental and as we watched the highlights, one of the players butted the ball into the net with her head and we laughed as I suggested I was not in the physical condition to criticize women’s soccer.

We talked a bit more and I introduced myself and shook his hand after we finished our 30 minutes on the trainers and we agreed to meet up again another day. But I realized if I hadn’t isolated the criticism from the day before, it could have turned in to full blown hate. I am susceptible to viral anger like many others, but it’s hard to keep an eye on it at all times, but it IS important. I know I look foolish from time to time, and making blatant judgment calls about women’s soccer is one of those silly things I shouldn’t do, but catching them and fixing them quicker than I used to is one of the many miracles God is working in my life. I wanted to share this story because it’s really a glimpse through the transparent window of who I am and sometimes we all need to know we aren’t alone in our boogerhead decisions we make in life… : )