I can always tell when the Easter season is in full swing.. the weather begins to warm, oddball people hang eggs from their trees and the big church in town takes time out of its existence to tell everyone within mailing distance what slimy low down rotten sinners we are. I mean Thank God too because I would just take a smug arrogant attitude towards life tonight before I went to bed and I would be a sure enough jerk if it wasn't for them mailing out their Easter service invites spelling out my sins and how I can purge myself of Sin and be holy just like them..
The first 7 words have the topic of sin in them. The 12th word is the word "Repent", and I swear if I didn't feel bad enough about life, I could read their literature and be near suicide by the time it was over. They tell you how you fall short, and then they proceed to tell you that God sends Jesus and how our sin NAILED him to the cross. They remind you one more time and how if you attend THEIR service, give your life to Christ and be baptized in THEIR water, all this nasty SIN business will be behind us and we can move on and find other rotten sinners.
The honest truth is? we ARE sinners.. we are lower than the low, but when we realize it, we're probably already Christians or well on our way to becoming one. The lost are not won over by telling them that they have made mistakes, they are won over by the love of God, and his willingness to forgive us to be decided LONG before we ask for it. He is eager to love us. He seeks us out. He does not go on a door to door hunt so that he can grow his churches and increase the Sunday School roster.
God does love his children, but he loves them as lost not the ones that come to be baptized, but ones that have made a million mistakes that he already knows about and how they are going to commit those sins again.
I don't want to appear as arrogant for one posting this, but wouldn't the church win many many more people by spreading out our arms and embracing the world and telling them that He loves them already? God loves those who don't even know they have need for him. Let them decide later if they want him, but invite those who are lost in sin. Let them eat the cookies and drink from the good China. I bet you might win more souls that way??
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
Attention Deficit
Deficit.. interesting word.. I find it fun to use because its more collegiate than just saying "We ain't got none", which is what I would be prone to do.
It's also a ridiculously overused term in America. Way too many folks feeling the need to tell others they suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder... I would bet it's more like 10% of those people who are saying it, actually have it.
I am using with a play on words... a deficit is described as a lack or shortage; deficiency. a disadvantage, impairment, or handicap.
I find myself with a shortage of attention quite a bit due to something from my past requiring me to cry out publicly for such attention and say "look at me". It can be heartwarming at first for friends to try and help and stand beside you thinking they can help fix it, but only later to decide it's too hard and frustrating and they throw you by the wayside and decide you really weren't worth it. I have had people tell me how tiring I am that I have such a craving. Minister and well meaning friends have come far and wide and given me scripture verses and "correct" my way of thinking and being because I am "wrong" in their eyes and I need fixing.
Honestly I deal with bitterness over this as so many have come off as arrogant assholes wanting to show me just how wrong I am. The others I have encountered.. the ones that have tried to help by being friends and have told me its just too hard. I can't really blame them. I know it would be tiring, but It honestly hurts pretty bad. I didn't ask God to create me this way. I am just this way. EVERYONE ends up rejecting me and turning away from me eventually and then I am left alone. It's a painful existence. People don't care and as I desire to suck it up and not worry about it and try to be "normal" like everyone else, I usually end up angry and bitter. People tell you to "get it together" and "get over yourself" on a daily basis.. honesty I really just want to beat them with my fists.. I didn't ask to be this way.. it just happened.. A person tormented daily with the need to have someone love me.. and that need is so annoying it drives everyone away..
I'll try to keep plugging along for now.. I have 4 little mouths to feed.. but one day they will be able to stand on their own..
It's also a ridiculously overused term in America. Way too many folks feeling the need to tell others they suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder... I would bet it's more like 10% of those people who are saying it, actually have it.
I am using with a play on words... a deficit is described as a lack or shortage; deficiency. a disadvantage, impairment, or handicap.
I find myself with a shortage of attention quite a bit due to something from my past requiring me to cry out publicly for such attention and say "look at me". It can be heartwarming at first for friends to try and help and stand beside you thinking they can help fix it, but only later to decide it's too hard and frustrating and they throw you by the wayside and decide you really weren't worth it. I have had people tell me how tiring I am that I have such a craving. Minister and well meaning friends have come far and wide and given me scripture verses and "correct" my way of thinking and being because I am "wrong" in their eyes and I need fixing.
Honestly I deal with bitterness over this as so many have come off as arrogant assholes wanting to show me just how wrong I am. The others I have encountered.. the ones that have tried to help by being friends and have told me its just too hard. I can't really blame them. I know it would be tiring, but It honestly hurts pretty bad. I didn't ask God to create me this way. I am just this way. EVERYONE ends up rejecting me and turning away from me eventually and then I am left alone. It's a painful existence. People don't care and as I desire to suck it up and not worry about it and try to be "normal" like everyone else, I usually end up angry and bitter. People tell you to "get it together" and "get over yourself" on a daily basis.. honesty I really just want to beat them with my fists.. I didn't ask to be this way.. it just happened.. A person tormented daily with the need to have someone love me.. and that need is so annoying it drives everyone away..
I'll try to keep plugging along for now.. I have 4 little mouths to feed.. but one day they will be able to stand on their own..
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Ugly Truth of Reality
I watch others posts on Facebook on a daily basis. I watch Christian women post things to each other and put up scripture and watch as people who you didn't really know went to church, become amazing prayer warrior when it comes to someone asking for prayer. Some days it becomes downright nauseating to read when you know they just "LOOOOOVVVVEEE" one another, but if shoved into a realistic place of being in a tight spot, they would become like a cornered wolf.
Most Christians are kind people who go about their daily business, but I wonder if they would call themselves such if they were faced with death? If someone put a gun to their heads.. how many would eventually give up and decide their faith wasn't that important?? I couldnt' tell you either way about my faith either, but I do know that I have come to the crossroads in my life and my true character was revealed and it wasn't pretty. I was judged pretty harshly by these so-called Christians so forgive me if I am quite repulsed by it today.
Our churches are filled with leaders today who are OVERCOMING champions in their own lives and so people believe them to be naturally gifted leaders or spiritually led and annointed folks. Confidence marks most of these folks and they love to lead people who need leading. Most of them are about as spiritually gifted as this cup of coffee on my desk. They will always look good in suits and have money because successful people always rise to the top. They just do.
I caution myself anymore about the folks I label as Godly.. I look back on many who were Christians in my early years with great admiration. They are wonderful people, but I promise you if you crossed one of them, some wouldn't react so Godly.. crazy isn't it??
I struggle these days not to look at them or ANY of the christians I have met as anything more than folks who try hard. The Godliest ones among them to me are the ones who admit that outside of the Love of God, they are complete losers and would probably be somewhere warming a jailcell if they had not been saved. Humility is not false. It's not someone trying to tell me they shouldn't recieve accolades for a great work they just completed.. its someone who knows on the frontside that they will probably blow it again.. but because Christ loves them, they are willing to give it a whirl.
The ugly truth of reality to me is we are deceived. I long to be a real Christian, but for now I am a game player. Maybe I'll get there one day, but this is my life right now...
Most Christians are kind people who go about their daily business, but I wonder if they would call themselves such if they were faced with death? If someone put a gun to their heads.. how many would eventually give up and decide their faith wasn't that important?? I couldnt' tell you either way about my faith either, but I do know that I have come to the crossroads in my life and my true character was revealed and it wasn't pretty. I was judged pretty harshly by these so-called Christians so forgive me if I am quite repulsed by it today.
Our churches are filled with leaders today who are OVERCOMING champions in their own lives and so people believe them to be naturally gifted leaders or spiritually led and annointed folks. Confidence marks most of these folks and they love to lead people who need leading. Most of them are about as spiritually gifted as this cup of coffee on my desk. They will always look good in suits and have money because successful people always rise to the top. They just do.
I caution myself anymore about the folks I label as Godly.. I look back on many who were Christians in my early years with great admiration. They are wonderful people, but I promise you if you crossed one of them, some wouldn't react so Godly.. crazy isn't it??
I struggle these days not to look at them or ANY of the christians I have met as anything more than folks who try hard. The Godliest ones among them to me are the ones who admit that outside of the Love of God, they are complete losers and would probably be somewhere warming a jailcell if they had not been saved. Humility is not false. It's not someone trying to tell me they shouldn't recieve accolades for a great work they just completed.. its someone who knows on the frontside that they will probably blow it again.. but because Christ loves them, they are willing to give it a whirl.
The ugly truth of reality to me is we are deceived. I long to be a real Christian, but for now I am a game player. Maybe I'll get there one day, but this is my life right now...
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