Weird

I want to share something with you I recently read.

I am in the middle of re-ingesting (for the 3rd or so time) a book titled The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus by Brennan Manning. Brennan is by far my favorite author to date. He is the Author of The Ragamuffin Gospel which I love dearly, however; many will bring to light how his message on Grace is dangerous and irresponsible. I of course disagree, because of what I have experienced. Most who disagree with me are those whose lives have never dipped into poverty or experienced anything less than a successful lifestyle. I am gracious so much with those as they have not walked where I have walked and they haven’t experienced the ridiculously painful places in life that would allow them to share my compassion.

In the Foreword of this book, Dr. Larry Crabb is telling of the two times in his life that he has experienced Brennan in such a way that it changed his life. The second experience is this:

The second encounter took place on the balcony of a ninth-floor hotel room. Brennan and I had just finished speaking to a pastor’s convention and we were enjoying a brief moment of quiet before leaving for the airport. “Where to next?” I asked innocently. “I start a seven-day silent retreat tomorrow,” he replied. “I’m not leading it, I’m taking it.”
“Brennan, help me here. I know you’re into that sort of thing. How are you different after getting away for a week with just you and the Lord?”
Without conscious intent (I think), Brennan gently cut through my American pragmatism when he answered, “I don’t know what it does for me. I’ve never thought much about that. I just figured God likes it when I show up.”
I walked away from that encounter more thirsty to experience the Father’s fondness for me.

Imagine if we just longed to be in his presence because we thought HE enjoyed it and not so much because we were making time for HIM. (I was completely convicted of my narcissistic view of myself with this whole story)

Thirsty… that is the word Mr. Manning uses to describe “Mystics”. He says they are not Eastern religion types who live in the dirt and experience visions. They are folks who share the experience of the unending thirst for more of who Christ is in our lives.

When the Lord told me he would make me “weird”, I thought he meant in comparison to the World. I never dreamed it would be in comparison to my brothers and sisters as well…
Experiencing this week first hand Jesus words in Matt. 5:3 “blessed are the Poor in spirit”. The death to myself in all things in my life because of my frailties and faults for my hurts and shortcomings have always haunted me and caused me to bemoan my walk with Christ because I’ve felt hindered as I am not like “healthy” people. Today for the first time I feel as if I have experienced my failures as blessings as they cause me to embrace the cross of Christ wholeheartedly… I am undone because of my need for him as my ONLY source of life. If we ever spend one moment thinking Christianity exists for our lives to benefit and be expanded then we have missed the message of the Gospel. We have been called to share in his experiences. To come and die…period. Not for the sake of suffering or death, but for the sake of warfare and reveal to the world that the love of money, possessions, vanity, power and yes the love of life itself has no power over us.
It was not only Christ’s death that was the most powerful story of the gospels, but his resurrection. We become like him and we die to not just sex, drugs, and rock and roll, but to anything and everything this world uses to hold us down. It is a mystery that is only unlocked as we transform the grip of this life and die of self. It is unexplainable foolishness to those who do not follow him. We DO become weird for we rejoice in the wrong places in the story. We give praise when we are not perfect, we are excited when we experience trials and when we are persecuted for these things the bible tells us we should rejoice because Christ will be exalted even more.

Today I rejoice in the fact that I am becoming more like him. The joy’s of my life are not those shared by the rest of the world and the peace I live in daily cannot be purchased, taken or taught… it is the direct result of suffering and shame and sorrow at the slow death of a life I once pursued. The life I now live is not my own and I have uncovered one of the greatest mysteries ever revealed. As weird as it sounds, I pray that I be found even more bizarre as my days unfold before me.


Brennan Manning, The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus(Grand Rapids Michigan: Revell, 2004) 9-10