I'm Movin On

I joined a site on facebook today called "I hate it when you walk outside and someone randomly throws a fridge at you" I love sites like that because for all intensive purposes? they have NO purpose and it's just good clean fun. Its clean fun to read that expression, but to experience that actual event? NOT SO MUCH.. (okay.. no one REALLY threw a fridge at me, but...it feels like it)

I don't really pride myself on being a transparent person, but my friends all tell me that I am very real and easily known.. I am sure that's a great quality sometimes, but if you choose to be transparent, you REALLY should be ready to deal with the fallout. People are looking for a hero and someone who gets it right because not many of us do and we want to know it can be done to give us something to shoot for. Knowing someone is a screw up isn't really a shock to most people because everyone one "screws the pooch" from time to time, but you know...?? I mean, c'mon.. look at me.. I am a mess most days and I seriously just don't need help pointing it out for others.

It's been said that experience is the best teacher, but some things I have experienced in my life are lessons I wish I could have avoided. I guess I could go on and on about my life, but this isn't about me today. If you have ventured to journey to this page you are probably able to connect with things like I am, you use your life's experiences to connect. Although my life experiences and yours aren't the same? I pasted the words to a song that I think appropriately describes what I am feeling today.

I'm Movin On by Rascall Flats

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

Chorus
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on


You see? I recently left a relationship that for all intensive purposes shouldn't have happened. It represents a time in my life when I was just hurting and needed to be understood, but because I had not built equity with anyone, no one was there to listen to me talk about it. It was a bad mistake, life altering in fact. Too many people got hurt because I allowed the timing of my decision to happen at the worst possible moment.

So what do you do when you screw up in your life so bad that even drug dealers and pimps look down their noses at you??? You get on your knees and you find yourself in a place of brokenness and you apologize to those you can and allow God's forgiveness to give you the peace you just honestly don't deserve.

I am a screw up for sure, but I won't hide that from you. I won't walk around puffed up like someone owes me something. I won't make myself out to be better than I am to hide my nakedness from you. If anyone is saved from making the mistakes I have made in my life by my transparency, then I will continue to live in this glass house I have built around me.
Until then, I am moving on from the mess I made, because dwelling on it ain't no way to live...